Wednesday, June 30, 2010

You make me want to never have kids

Its only the beginning of summer vacation but already the mass flux of families from one part of the country to another, like the winter migration of birds, is under way.
My father says "it's good birth control for ya." in regards to screaming infants and tantrum throwing children. i agree. but whats more concerning than the bratty kids are the parents of the bratty kids. you've flown. you know who i'm talking about. the parents whose capability at child rearing you question as you try in vain to drown out the cries, whines, and temperamental explosions of their kids with earplugs, booze, and loud music in your headphones. they sit there oblivious, or in denial of the unacceptable behavior of their kids.

For THOSE parents and the few of you who are considering bringing another life into this world i have a few words before you get down to business:

1. flight attendants are not babysitters. your child should stay with you at all times during the flight. letting them run up and down the aisles shrieking at the top of their lungs is not going to make you very popular with us, or the guests.

2. Feeding your children is YOUR responsibility. so, please remember to pack a snack for your little ones and milk for your babies. you CAN get these items through security. also there are restaurants throughout the terminal you can buy food from so there is NO excuse. i do not personally carry happy meals around with me to feed YOUR kids.

3. The overhead bin space is NOT an appropriate place to leave your baby while you stand in line for the restroom.

4. Flight attendants are not human vending machines of picture books, videos, toys,  or board games. if you feel the need to distract your child with one of the mentioned items you need to bring it with you from home.

5. changing diapers on the seats and grossing out everyone around you is a NO NO. handing the dirty diaper to the flight attendant is a HELL NO! there are changing tables in most aircraft restrooms, please use them and dispose of that bio hazard in the trash receptacle your self.

6. believe it or not YOU are the adult, the child should listen and obey YOU not the other way around.

7. If you break into tears because your kid is screaming hollaring and demanding things from you, if you feel you need a nanny to take care of your one child while flying, if you come to the flight attendant for help because you need a break from being the parent, you should probably not have had children in the first place.

if any of this sounds  like you!!!!! all i have to say is vasectomy, hysterectomy, termination, adoption. pick one.

i'm not trying to be mean but if flight attendants wanted to take care of pooping, puking, screaming, eating, crying kids we'd have our own. please take care of yours.

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